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Liberal Blogs for Hurricane Relief is a great place to donate money to help the people devastated by Katrina.

I can't watch the news. I get too upset. I've been reading what other bloggers have said about the mess Bush has made of this disaster due to his usual lack of action. He took the time to pose in a photo-op playing a guitar! I've known since he was appointed that he was no leader, but his lazy, unconcerned way of handling this disaster has only shown me how sadly and infuriatingly right I am. Because so many of our troops are busy fighting in Iraq, we don't have enough people on hand to help survivors get out of the flooded areas. I've read about the potential for disease - cholera, dengue fever, West Nile virus. It's very hot down there, and people have no drinkable water. No electricity. When is Bush going to get off his privileged ass and do something?

I've also read how black people who go into flooded stores to get food, baby food, diapers, shoes, soft drinks, and water are described as "looters", but white people who do the same merely "find" things. I'm very angered by the way race has played out in discussions and coverage of the aftermath of the hurricane.

It seems that Bush is more concerned with oil wells than the people who are caught up in this disaster. Gas prices are rising again. I hope that his less-than-stellar performance in taking action to deal with the hurricane aftermath finally wakes up Americans so that they can see what an ass he really is. His speech about the hurricane was the worst thing he has ever said. Gee, he's going to "tour" the region hit by the hurricane. What a leader! He and his economic advisers view the impact of Hurricane Katrina as a "temporary disruption".

Gee, I'm so sorry he had to interrupt his vacation to deal with the hurricane.

Congress provided a $10.5 billion down payment in relief aid for Gulf Coast victims of Hurricane Katrina. I'm glad to hear it. However, "Bush-administration policy changes and budget cuts[...] are sapping FEMA's ability to cushion the blow of hurricanes, earthquakes, wildfires and other natural disasters. [...] Post-disaster mitigation efforts, specialists say, are a crucial way of minimizing future losses. It's after a disaster strikes, they argue, that officials and storm victims are most receptive to change. Yet in 2003, the White House cut FEMA's Hazard Mitigation Grant Program in half. Bush administration officials have said the new formula puts more of the burden on state governments, where it belongs. But now more than ever, cash-strapped states cannot afford to pick up the tab. "The federal focus on terrorism preparedness has left states with an increased responsibility to provide support for natural disasters and emergencies," noted a report released by the National Emergency Management Association (NEMA) last summer. "State budget shortfalls have given emergency management programs less to work with at a time when more is expected of them." The administration also argues that its new pre-disaster mitigation grants, which are awarded on a competitive basis, will help states pick up the slack. But in recent congressional testimony, a NEMA representative noted that "in a purely competitive grant program, lower income communities, those most often at risk to natural disaster, will not effectively compete with more prosperous cities."

Bush cut funding to FEMA's Hazard Mitigation Grant Program. He focuses on the disaster he created in Iraq, and there are so many troops over there fighting a bogus war for oil and Bush cronie contracts that there aren't enough resources to help with the hurricane aftermath. This administration is showing itself for the disaster it really is.

Well, that's my rant for the day. I'm glad I got that out.

I watched "Lost" for the first time last night because I read about it on the Internet. Everyone was raving about it. I was curious. I kinda liked it, but I don't know enough about the characters yet. I'll have to catch it from the first episode to really enjoy it. I liked the oddball business with the numbers and the alleged curse that goes along with them. Very bizarre.

So imagine me laughing when I read that two naked women swam up to the set. They were allowed to watch filming as long as they covered up. They left with autographs, and had to promise they wouldn't reveal the secret location of the shooting or how they got there.

Having done F/X and prosthetic make-up for an indie horror film in Chapel Hill, North Carolina, I can related to this.

Police investigated what they thought was a very bloody murder scene to find out that it was only a scene for a movie. Police received a call, went to the scene, and found "a parked car with what looked like brain matter and blood on the front seat, dashboard and windows but no victim."

After a little searching, they found the car's owner, who was okay. The owner was working with two other students to make a horror movie called "Summer School".

I worked on a real stinker vampire movie about ten years ago. I made all the torn-out throats and gallons of stage blood. I also worked with the F/X crew to create intestines (out of condoms and KY jelly) and I worked with stage firearms. We had a scene involving a character's head being yanked off and thrown down an alley by the vampire, but on screen it looked so unbelievably fake that I cringed watching it.

The only good thing about this movie was that it introduced some new bands. Only one of the bands made the big time - Squirrel Nut Zippers. They caught on a few years later during the pop-swing craze of the late '80s, early '90s.

Thankfully, to counteract the embarrassment over that movie, I'm proud to say that I also did prosthetic makeup for an episode from the first season of "Homicide: Life On The Streets". I'm especially proud of the gunshot wound to the head that I made. I worked with the Baltimore City coroner, who said I had the projectory right on the wound, which entered near the scalp line and exited near the spine where the head and neck meet. That episode won a couple of Emmys, including (I believe), an Emmy for makeup. I loved that work. It was lots of fun.

The Count, the Royal Spawn, and I are big fans of "Mythbusters". We love seeing Adam and Jamie blow shit up whenever the show is on. Plus, since we have an extensive knowledge of all things urban legend, we love to see them debunk or prove our favorite legends.

There is a really great interview with Adam Savage at "The Sneeze". That is Part One.
To read Part Two, go here. In case you can't tell which one is Adam and which one is Jamie (they do tend to blend together after awhile), Adam is the goofy one with the glasses.

I added a new blog roll called "Food Blogs". I'm going to update it over the next few days. Go check out the new blogs. They're on my sidebar.

I'm also upgrading my blog, so bear with me. I'm trying to add the Count so he can post. Eventually, he'll be posting here, too.

Want to read about some dude's adventure with a beef tapeworm? Well, you're in luck.

Start with the link I gave you, and to continue to the next page, click on the link at the bottom of each page. This part was especially nausea-inducing:

I sat up ramrod straight, utterly immobile, my brain flying. I hadn't thought further than swallowing the kill pill and then living my life. I assumed my intestines would just magically absorb the monster, and that would be that.

With immense dread, I reached over and got some more toilet paper. Folded it over. Then, cautiously, like descending into a dangerous lair, I reached down, went under, found me, wiped me, grabbed the dangling entity, and pulled. Something long slithered out, giving a distinctly zigzagging back and forth sensation within my intestines.

I dropped everything and held my breath. This could not be happening. This was not my life. I began panting, all alone in a locked cubicle in a half-decent restaurant with a dead tapeworm hanging out my ass.

There was nothing to do but to wrap great gobs of toilet paper securely around my hand, swallow hard, again reach down, again get a grip on the thin and slippery thing, and tug. Again that slithering feeling deep within. I pulled, and pulled again, and it kept coming. I dropped the tissue and sat back. Jesus. How long was this sucker? I remembered the doctor's brief education: to the moon twice, or something pretty damn close.

I calmed the trembling of my hands. More toilet paper. Reached down. Got a grip. Pull, slide. Pull, slide. I got into a rhythm like someone on a chain gang, condemned to break rocks in smooth, repetitious movements – no whack/crack, just pull/slide. I started moaning an old spiritual, pulling and sliding, endlessly.

I love gross. I love spooge. I was squirming and laughing the whole time I read this long story. If you are into gross, spoogy things, I highly recommend you read that story. Don't complain in my comments about it. I only gave you a small taste of the entire delightful grodiness of the story. You've been blessed.

Attention Food Bloggers: If you have never read Steve at The Sneeze, head on over right now and check him out. I haven't laughed so hard in my life.

The Count was surfing the web last night, and all of a sudden he started laughing is ass off. I made him send me the link in e-mail, since I figured that was easier than just reciting the link to me while I sat next to him reading blogs. I'm glad he sent me the link. I'm going to make a big habit of reading Steve's blog every day. Nothing is sacred. He even interviewed Adam Savage from that great television show "Mythbusters". The Count, the Royal Spawn, and I are big fans of "Mythbusters".

Steve is hosting a contest. Tell a friend about his blog, cc him, and you have a chance to win a box of bandages that look like bacon. Ha ha!!!

I just posted about a post he wrote about Potted Meat. He could barely contain himself. He completely loses it in this post about Beggin' Strips. Check it out. The underlining was in the original.

Beggin' Strips slogan is "Dog's don't know it's not bacon!" Newsflash: Dogs are retarded. Mine used to eat his own vomit, and wag his tail while he did it. I'll be the one to decide if this stuff tastes like bacon or not.

Steve made himself a Beggin', lettuce, and tomato sandwich. This is what he had to say about it:

I'm back. And I'm sad to report that I did not run around the house yelling "Bacon!" I did, however, run around the house yelling "Call 911!"

GodDAMN these are foul. Don't try this at home. I'm not sure it's safe, and I am sure your tongue may kill itself.

While they were a little too artificially colored red to pass for real bacon, I was pleased to see they were not all the same shape. Similar to slices of real bacon, they each have their own curvy and shriveled identity. (Just like my aunts and uncles.)

And somehow these Beggin' Strips also managed to smell just like bacon. Oopsie. Typo. I meant to say "the smoky puke of a thousand maniacs."

He concluded with the following: "In closing, the only silver lining to this dark dark cloud is I have figured out why so many dogs lick their own assholes. They are trying to kill the taste of Beggin' Strips. (By the way, it doesn't work.)"

I bought Beggin' Strips for my cats several years ago. They loved bacon off the plate, and were known to reach out their little paws to drag a slice off if I didn't swat them first.

The cats sniffed the Beggin' Strip I left on the floor for them, and then proceeded to make those cat-scratch motions they make when they're covering their shit in the litter box. That said it all. No self-respecting cat would be caught dead eating Beggin' Strips. That only proves that cats are much more intelligent than dogs.

I just found the blog The Sneeze, and it's a riot. The Count found his blog last night, and he was laughing so hard blood was pouring out of his eyes.

Steve rails on about Potted Meat in this post. The bold is as it appears in his post.

There aren't too many products that feel the need to reassure you that they are, in fact, "food." Already not a good sign.

The list of ingredients is long and horrifying, coming right out of the gate with "MECHANICALLY SEPARATED CHICKEN." Oddly enough, I'm about to be separated from my lunch, and I haven't even opened the can yet.

Other ingredients include BEEF TRIPE, BEEF HEARTS, AND "PARTIALLY DE-FATTED COOKED PORK FATTY TISSUE" How does one de-fat fat? Bizarre. God knows what else is in here.

Okay, I'm going to go try it now. If i'm not back in ten minutes, call Poison Control...

[brief pause, illustrated with ice cream]

I'm back. Oofah.

Okay, here we go-- Pulling back the lid (not recommended) lets loose an odor that punches you in the nose like a stinky fist. If you've ever smelled a can of dog food, it's just like that. Only imagine you are opening the can while your head is wedged in a horse's ass.

Inside is a smooth, oddly pink meat paste. So smooth, in fact, I dare call it "creamy." (I actually got a little gaggy just typing that.) Surprisingly, it was a little spicier than I expected. Although, that sensation may have been a by-product of my tastebuds dying.

The can shows a serving suggestion of the Potted Meat being served on squares of toast. I would also suggest squares of toilet paper. Or maybe a nice diaper.

All I can tell you is, I survived the first installment of "Steve, Don't Eat It." And I have to admit it may have even been a little educational. I know I learned at least one thing from "Ralph's Potted Meat"-- Ralph is a fucking dick.

Not surprisingly, I've come up with a little slogan the peeps who handle Potted Meat Marketing can use (no charge, as always): POTTED MEAT FOOD PRODUCT: Made By, For, And With Assholes.

I bought a small can of Spam for the Royal Spawn a few years ago as a joke, since he's a Monty Python fan. He just laughed, but refused to eat it. It sat there on the shelf, looking forlorn and lonely amid the pasta boxes and peanut butter, for about two years.

During a money drought, the Count eyed up that can. He opened it, and ate it. Two year old Spam!! He said it was delicious. No fungus. Nothing crawling in it. I think he said he had Spam in the Navy, or he told me that Spam was popular with the military because it keeps well, and is easy to store. I just went "Ick!!!"

I should cue up the Spam song from Monty Python right now.

Susan Wood, Director of the Office of Women's Health and Assistant Commissioner for Women's Health, has resigned. It's obvious why. She sent around the following email to her friends and colleagues:

I regret to tell you that I am leaving the FDA, and will no longer be serving as the Assistant Commissioner for Women's Health and Director of the FDA Office of Women's Health. The recent decision announced by the Commissioner about emergency contraception, which continues to limit women's access to a product that would reduce unintended pregnancies and reduce abortions is contrary to my core commitment to improving and advancing women's health. I have spent the last 15 years working to ensure that science informs good health policy decisions. I can no longer serve as staff when scientific and clinical evidence, fully evaluated and recommended for approval by the professional staff here, has been overuled. I therefore have submitted my resignation effective today.

I will greatly miss working with such an outstanding group of scientists, clinicians and support staff. FDA's staff is of the highest caliber and it has been a priviledge to work with you all. I hope to have future opportunities to work with you in a different capacity.

Sincerely,

Susan

I'm sorry to see her go, but I wish she would have stayed to fight this out. Women's reproductive rights are too important to lose important people like her.

Mad Kane strikes again!!

Bush Not Found In Crawford.