feminist blogs

The latest issue is on spinsterhood so I'm gonna have to get myself a hard copy for keepers. And not just coz I'm quoted in it either.

Check it out. Also, if you know where to find a copy in SF let me know, otherwise I'll order it online.

When will our consciences grow so tender that we will act to prevent human misery rather than avenge it? - E. Roosevelt

Sometimes I just need a trip to the 'burbs and a visit with my girls to rejuvenate and remember how lucky I truly am. I just love y'all so much!

P - Pissed
O - Old
W - Woman
E - Engaged in
R - Revolution

Boo, Christina, and I volunteered at the Frameline screenings of Look Us In the Eye and Only In the Castro with Trevor Hailey this morning and they were great. I cried a few times, out of inspiration and appreciation, and especially since Trevor Hailey, passed away on the 13th. I wish I'd known her. She seemed like an incredibly vibrant and lovely woman.

Neither film is likely "coming to a theatre near you", but perhaps if you call your local PBS station they'll add it to their program line up. It's worth a call or letter to the station. You won't be disappointed.

Also, check out the Old Women's Project.

WE HOLD THESE TRUTHS TO BE SELF-EVIDENT:

Old women must be treated as equal to other adults. We reject both contempt and "respect" on the basis of age, but rather celebrate honest exchange between generations. If we can have relations of equality, people can see for themselves whether we have "wisdom and experience." Some of us do. (Sometimes old women fall into wanting "honor and respect" just because women get so little respect throughout our lives that we feel we should at least get some pay-off at the end. Besides, we're aware that if we don't get special "respect," we usually end up with special contempt. But we also remember when "respect" for women was used as a reason to deny us the vote.)

Old women can and must speak out to demand this equality for ourselves and other old women. This breaks the taboo against old women asking for ourselves rather than for "future generations." But our own lives matter, and future generations of old women depend on us to end ageism.

Ageism disempowers all women. As long as younger women gain false power by distancing themselves from old women, the 35-year-old loses power by not being 25.

The word "old" is a statement of fact, not a matter of shame. We claim it, believing that as long as it is humiliating to be called old, it will be humiliating to be old.

They rule.

To be perfectly honest, if I don't think about the war, Darfur, the status of women, the conservatives, the environment, or the puppy mills, I'm personally happier than I've ever been.

And reading this kind of affirmed it.

I've never been especially good at relationships and almost immediately find myself regretting ever getting involved in them in the first place. It's been three years since my last serious relationship and I can tell you, THANK MAUDE THAT SHIT IS BEHIND ME!

That's not to say that I'll never be in another committed relationship, but it certainly won't be with a man. As it stands now, I'm a lot less angry, frustrated, disappointed, bored, bitter, and defeated than I ever was in any relationship. I enjoy my solitude, my cat, the peace and quiet, my friends, the pleasure of my own company, MacGyver*.

This comment by Toonces sums up my feelings perfectly:

I look around my lovely house, and my space is my own. I look in my art studio, and see a painting on the easel I have all my time in the world to finish, because I don’t have to act as caretaker to a man who now assumes I am his personal slave and sexbot. I look into my fridge, and see all the good-for-you organic produce that I make into lovely meals for myself when I am hungry, not when someone else is. I sleep in a big lovely bed that I can sprawl out in, hog all the blankets in, and fart loudly in without some husbandthing giving me looks of horror and disgust.

[...]The older I get, the more I look around me and realize there just aren’t many fabulous, feminist men who really want to be with a woman who has brains, ideas, opinions, and a strong sense of her own self-worth. Once I remind myself of that, suddenly I don’t feel as lonely. I just can’t play the game of settling anymore.

I consider the fact that I get to live my life for myself as a true gift. There is much to be done. To waste my life on being a man’s housekeeper while giving up my dreams and goals just seems kind of nuts. It would be lovely to have a true life partner, but given the sampling of men I have come across over the years, well, let’s just say you can’t make chicken salad out of chicken shit.

And the funny thing is, I've always felt this way, but I struggled against it and tried to settle and make my relationships work even at the expense of my own happiness and fulfillment for more than half my life.

I saw all of my friends getting married and settling down and I freaked:

I'm late! I thought. I've got to find "the one" (or someone, anyway) and catch up and settle down and do the "June Cleaver Thing"!

But I never really wanted the "June Cleaver Thing" and the idea of spending THE REST OF MY LIFE UNTIL I DIE with any of the people I was ever involved with was a horrifying prospect. Thank Maude I managed to "sabotage" all of them by being mouthy or demanding or independent or intelligent or feminist or "fat" or whatever else drives "good" men away. Good riddance.

Now obviously I have friends who are happily married or partnered so I'm not trying to diminish or disrespect anyone's relationship. As long as you're happy, I'm happy for you. I'm just saying that marriage isn't necessarily the be all/end all for everybody and it's unfortunate that we're sold that box of rocks from the moment we're born, wasting years and years and years chasing after some dream that isn't even ours.

One can find peace and joy and love and fulfillment without a partner and I'm living proof.

You see, I'm not broken. I'm not anyone's "other half". I'm not "empty" and there is no "hole" in me to fill. I am whole and I belong to me. And I wouldn't have it any other way.

*I kid! I've never even seen MacGyver, I just love Patty and Selma.

So much reading and so much to process but I wanted to share a few things that have come to me so far:

1) I am not Kos nor do I want to be anything like him.

That was a perfect "click" moment for me as I've been reading through all of the amazing writing this week. So much of it totally made sense and rang true to me, but when a few people threw down the "Where are all the women bloggers" and "You best be nice to the menz or the menz won't help you silly little women" bombs I was like, OMG, Becky! I think I get it now!

Coz ya know, just because I don't use "The N Word" or "ching-chong" jargon does not make me a "good" ally to WOC anymore than not raping women makes someone a "good" feminist. It's actually just the most basic level of common-deceny. Literally, the very least I can do. I should be doing more. Much more.

2) WOC issues are not "special interest" issues anymore than reproductive rights are a "special interest" issue. If it effects any woman, it effects all women.

3) WOC owe white feminists nothing. They do not have to reward us, acknowledge us, be nice to us, or even pay attention to us when we do anti-racist work. As I said before, it is just the most basic level of human decency and common courtesy and we don't deserve medals for not being selfish, self-centered, self-absorbed assholes (for once).

4a) It's not always about me. I don't have to take every comment or criticism about white feminists personally. If I feel hurt, threatened, or offended by something a WOC has said or written, I need to STFU, listen, and learn. I may not necessarily agree with what they're saying or feel that it doesn't apply to me, but I don't need to defend any white woman from a woman of color anymore than any woman needs to defend men in any feminist discussion. Like Magniloquence said:

You are not saying anything the people of color you’re talking to haven’t heard a thousand times before. You are not saying anything the people of color you’re talking to haven’t told themselves a thousand times before. If you would actually stop your reflexive know-it-all yammering and pay attention to what people of color actually SAY about the offenses they suffer on the prejudice - racism continuum, you will note that almost to a person they second-guess their own gut feelings about the putative offender far beyond the point where almost any white person would.

4b) It's not always me. I've said it a million times myself, to other feminists who get all bent out of shape about shit: If the shoe doesn't fit, then don't wear it!

If a WOC says, "[White feminists] did/do such-and-such and it's some fucked up bullshit!" I don't need to run in and say, "Well, I'm a white feminist and I don't do that." or "Not all white feminists do that!" I might as well preface every conversation about rape with "Not all men rape!" and then shoot myself in the face for being such a fucking moron.

It's true, not all white feminists do such-and-such, but that's a given so instead of disrupting a fruitful conversation to state the obvious, it might serve me well to STFU and learn something new.

I'm sure I'll have items 5 through 29 billion at some point and I'll share them along the way but I just wanted to say one more thing before I go: Tuesday I was basically all, "Where are all the Feminist Women of Color Bloggers?!?!" and since being directed to a handful of them, I've found more and more and more. I've read zillions of brilliant thoughts, ideas, and words and haven't had time to read any of the blogs I usually read and you know what? (Yes, I know I've been a total jackass. What did I say about stating the obvious?!) I've actually learned a shitload more reading blogs in the past two days than I have in the past two months. Go figure.

Also: I was reading this and I thought to myself, Huh. So that's how intelligent, civilized human beings have a discussion and disagree with one another.

I hardly ever read or leave comments anywhere because whether the topic is soft, fluffy kittens or an illegal, deadly war, there's bound to be some fucked up, racist, sexist, bullshit flying and it stresses me out. Apparently though, that doesn't happen everywhere, mostly just in the White Progressive Blogosphere That I've Been Frequenting Too Much.

Finally!

Pride is just around the corner which means DYKE MARCH!!!!

June is gonna be a busy month and it's just getting started with Frameline Volunteer Orientation at the LGBT Center tonight.

I can't even begin to tell y'all how psyched I am to be surrounded by a whole bunch of dykes for the next six weeks.

I've yet to meet the girl of my dreams at any of these events but I haven't given up hope. Surprisingly, (obviously?) radical feminists aren't too popular with the lezzies either, but like I said, I haven't given up hope.

Anyhoo, I'm sure they still need volunteers for Frameline 31 so get your butt down to the Center tonight at 7pm. I'll see you there!

and I can use that as an excuse if I want to remain that way but since I don't, I'm appealing to you for recommendations.

I don't always know whether a blogger I like is a Woman of Color unless it's obvious by her blog name, alias, or writing.

I do know however, that the majority of bloggers I read and link to are white and I'd like to change that. I'd like to be a better ally to feminist WOC and become better educated and informed about issues affecting all of my sisters, not just the white ones*.

I'm starting my quest to find new (to me) feminist voices with the May 2007 Erase Racism Carnival over at The Angry Black Woman, but I'd really like your suggestions and recommendations too. Please leave a link in the comments to your blog or your favorite WOC blogs** so I can check them out and stop being such a "colorblind" asshole.

Muchas gracias, amigas!

* I apologize for the vomit inducing earnestness and I do realize that it's vomit inducing but I swear I am sincere. And vomit inducing. Sorry!

**Feminist/womanist only. Thanks!

The Carnival of Radical Feminists is here!

Some of them, anyway. :-)

The wonderful Ann Bartow tagged me as a "Thinking Blogger" and since it's quite flattering to have someone else toot my own horn for once, what else can I do but spread the love?

It's difficult to narrow it down to five and I haven't really been following this meme in the feminisphere so I apologize if I'm duplicating anyone. These are just the blogs I click on obsessively throughout the day, hoping to be enlightened and emboldened by their brilliance:

1) Amy at Feminist Reprise
2) All of the contributors at Ilyka Damen
3) Jenn at Reappropriate
4) Amananta at Screaming Into the Void
5) Pretty much anything Sam writes anywhere. She doesn't blog in the "traditional" sense, but she certainly increases the quality of comments all over the feminisphere.