feminist blogs

1. My uncle is dying. I couldn't say we're close, but he's the only one in the family with a clue about who I really am. He calls me Gypsy. We're doing a lot of traveling these days to visit him, take my dad to the doctor, etc. Any day now, my uncle will slip into a coma from cancer that has moved from his lungs to his brain. That sucks.

2. The weather is too good. It's still in the 80s here. We have a serious drought on our hands.

3. The news is too bad. The Democrats are either too lame or making too much money to oppose the Bush junta. Bush continues to dismantle the Constitution. Blackwater is committing murder. Our troops are dying for no reason. Darfur is in the grips of its 4th year of genocide. pResident Bombs A Lot is going to attack Iran, and I don't even want to think about what could happen there. If you've got friends in Israel, tell them you love them.

4. Halliburton is coming to Kentucky. People here think liquifying coal is a good idea - it isn't. Why does progress here always involve a deal with the devil?

4. I'm taking art classes and I can't decide whether to talk about that here or start yet another blog on this site. Then that begs the question should I redesign this site. Or change servers. Change domains? and on.. and on.... it never ends.

5. I'm having an identity crisis. I am completely unprepared to have lived this long. I figured I'd never make 30, yet here I am at 46. What do you do when you can't be who you want to be? Who am I? What am I? What's the point? Why are people so much dumber than I am so much more successful at almost everything? Why do my days feel like they're an hour long? Do I leave my hair long and dark or cut it off and bleach it blonde, which will piss everyone around me off? Why do I alternate between feeling numb and feeling ovewhelmed? Why do my dreams feel more real than my waking hours? Why can't I paint? I could go on like this for hours, and do...

6. I'm worried I may lose my health care. I'm stressed about money. I'm getting nothing done on my book. I hate my clothes. My room is a disaster of epic proportions. My sick mother needs more from me than I have to give.

I could go on, but you get the point, if there is such a thing. I'll write more when I can do something besides whine.

Peace.

Non-24-hour sleep-wake syndrome - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

You're familiar with the Mobius Strip, right? That one-dimensional structure created by twisting a strip of paper and taping it so that it only has one side? How would you like to be one? Or. more acurately, how would you like to live on one?

That's what it's like having Circadian Arrhythmia. That's a fancy word that means my body thinks there are more than 24 hours in a day - usually about 27, I think- so I don't sleep and wake at normal times. My sleep sort of cycles around so that I'll have a couple of normal days every few weeks, but for the most part, I'm "off." The worst part of the cycle is when I'm "upside down"- I fall asleep in late morning and wake up late at night. It is impossible to get anything done like that. As of now, I've only seen people a total of about 20 minutes in the past 4 days. That means I'm completely alone, and I can't do anything because other people are asleep. Living like that is like being on a mobius strip - life is one-dimensional. It's quiet, it's dull and nothing seems quite real.

What's really weird is that life goes on normally around me, so I lose track of mail, laundry, cleaning, bathing, and I never know what day it is. If I'm lucky, I'll run into someone who's up to use the bathroom when I'm foraging for food and they can give me a quick run down on what I'm missing.

Have I written about this before? This is sounding familiar, but it might just be part of the feeling of unreality. Anyway, at least I've found some good stuff to keep me entertained. I spent the night looking up prices for high priced pink fountain pens, then I found a whole new pocket of artists and writers to explore and I've seen a lot of cool art work. And it let's me avoid the news, which is good because the idea of sending more troops to Iraq or the potential attack on Iran are giving me panic attacks.

I saw a Robin Williams movie called "The Final Cut" that was fairly cool. Imagine if, when you died, people could watch everything you experienced on video. Imagine how boring my life would be. A never ending view of lying here looking at this laptop screen. Maybe mine would have the glitch that some had that caused them to fail to distinguish between what was seen with the mind, and what was seen with the eyes. Then you'd have something. Mostly an endless tableau of fantasies about Gale Harold and the fallen angel Azazael on HEX, interspersed with nightmares that I still work for the government. No wonder I can't sleep.

Wait... I Yawned! Either I'm boring myself, or I'm actually getting sleepy. It's 11 am.

Peace~